I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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