It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
