wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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