My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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