I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
