those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
