Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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