Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize