Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
