I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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