Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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