are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
