i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
