also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
