How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
