My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
