What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
