all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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