We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
