update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
