Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
