We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
