I heard we made out
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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