I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
