my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pants are for mortals
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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