how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
