Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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