he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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