Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
