when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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