I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
