so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
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I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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