so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
