Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
