We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
