You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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