Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
