I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
