first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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