Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
