grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
