Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
