After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
