she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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