i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
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We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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