Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize