Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
