If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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