I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
