So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
