btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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