Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
