umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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