I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
