she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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