I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
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jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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