he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
