Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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