I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
