i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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