I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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