i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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