some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
