This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
