i wish starbucks made bloody marys
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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