If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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