She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize