Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
