what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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