i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He better not be in your backpack
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
