I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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