I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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