My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You were trust falling into bushes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
