Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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