he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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