guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
