She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
