Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
