i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
