She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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