I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
