i permit you to call me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
