Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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