how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
