I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
