We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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