I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
