the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
