please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
