it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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